I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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