you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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