Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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