I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
