I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize