woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize