I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
