This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
