Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
