He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
