his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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