Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
