would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
me + whiskey = a bad person
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
