my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
