There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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