Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
