We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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