whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
