I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
