I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Mom said you looked used
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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