I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Shame is for Republicans.
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