what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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