she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
