why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
