I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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