any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
