Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
