Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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