3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
