Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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