i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
