i love accidental penises.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
