girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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