What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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