i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
