nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
