i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she told me i tasted like america
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
