Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
