time to smoke my breakfast
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
