xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
