honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
