I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
