just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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