just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
