I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
