Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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