me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
