We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
