I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
