Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Randomize
