I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
