he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
