I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
