You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
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You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize