You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
