dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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