No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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