What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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