we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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