I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
